goodbye but not goodbye

Today it's goodbye.

Goodbye to a place that started to feel like home. To a family that came to feel like my family.

This morning I woke up early with a feeling of quiet in my heart. Yesterday was very much the opposite. Overwhelming sadness at the countdown upon me, the ticking clock that will rip me away from a place that has begun to feel so safe to me. Me, after all my talk of change. It's still so hard.

The fact is we have recently made a plan here such that I will very likely be back in a month or so. So we are saying today that it's goodbye but it's not really goodbye. But why does it still feel so much like it is?

Once again, the unknown awaits me. This afternoon I'm traveling a bit further south to see another long ago made plan through. Of course it might be really good, a holiday within a holiday, near the beach, described as all the things I love to be around and do. New people, new experiences. How bad could it be even if it was?

But. I know I will miss it here and it's admittedly hard to feel like I will be missing out on things. All the projects I have my hand in, the meals, the conversations, the rhythm and routine. As always, all will go on without me. I am, in so many ways, so used to this.

Right now, as the early morning sun slowly consumes my bedroom inch by inch, I want every minute to pass slowly. I will be fine, change can be good, this is goodbye but it's not goodbye. Breathe. I will tell myself all these things. And soon enough, I hope, immerse myself in whatever is next.

I am in fact going to be going off grid so I won't be online for a week. The blog will be slightly more quiet for some days with a plan to update as extensively as possible upon my return to the modern age. Stay turned.

Until then: goodbye?

(above: the most beautiful yoga studio I have ever known, will ever know, or ever will be. originally posted on Instagram)