thanksgiving

I woke up this morning to heavy rain outside my window but it actually felt incredibly positive. I continue to feel so grateful for so many things in these moments; my room here, feeling so warm and cozy under these blankets on a bed that not too long ago got lifted off the floor to a proper frame. The precipitation we so desperately need, full freedom granted to be lazy deep into the morning.
For all the obvious reasons I have been giving a lot of recent thought to all I have to be thankful for. The obvious, often taken for granted, things like health, family, so forth. And, perhaps equally obvious, the fact that I've somehow managed to completely uproot myself and move across the country with relative ease. I have friendship, job stability, natural splendor, and constant activity largely to thank. And I am still marveling at it every single day.
With that said, it's all finally beginning to feel something like real life and the nagging feelings of truly missing people and being just a little less than grounded at this point in my life are also starting to feel more real. Nothing is perfect. I am still feeling a bit like I'm blowing in the breeze. I know it will all take time and in a way it feels good to finally feel something like this so strongly. Sort of like the rain this morning; relief in the necessary release.
And so many familiar faces passing through over his recent holiday drove it home just a little more. But this is all part of it, and has been for awhile. Good with the bad. And the temperature stays moderate, the beach forever beautiful. Some things are constant. I'm settling in to the routines and the rhythms of life out here and the new photography scene. The fog comes and goes, both literally and in my mind. But I still know I'm happy to be here. I still feel like all these decisions have been the right ones. One day at a time, as it has been for awhile. We know how to do this.

new and true

Today marks two weeks.

New life.

New neighborhood.

New apartment.

New views.

New coast.

New commute.

New job.

New food.

New friends.

New adventures.

New me?

And these weeks have been the total whirlwind we could have expected them to be. My mattress is still on the floor and I have not a single piece of furniture. I have yet to buy groceries, to cook, to properly settle in. But the sunrise pours through my windows each morning, and I can see Golden Gate Park when I walk out the door. My morning routine has consistently included a walk to the beach, so often just me and the end of the earth; a few stray dog walkers, joggers, fishermen.

And there is, of course, another new chapter worth mentioning. After six months hiatus I am fully back in the mix of proper working life. So far, so good, so surprising. Different in ways I didn't expect and in all the ways I thus far needed it to be. And structure, and schedules, and inspiration. I felt good about it leading up to this, but even better now that I'm here.

Two weeks and hard to tell. But if I've ever felt good about a life change, this could really be it.

 

los angeles

It had been so long. 

This crazy sunny city in which I had spent so many weeks and vacations (and even fantasized moving to once or twice) had been left fully neglected for over a decade.

More and more people I knew had moved out there or back there or within there. I'd promise over and over that I'd make my triumphant return one day. Years passed and it was not until this past month of June that I would finally make my way.

And it was a little bit better than I remembered.

All the ghosts I feared would haunt me had long since faded. I didn't need the old spots, the old crew, the old childish way. These friends were suddenly adults and living enviable lifestyles in perfect weather year round with beach and nature but a short walk or drive away.

So we hiked and we beached and we ate and we drank.

A memorable solstice celebrated with friends and strangers and grapefruit cocktails. The desertous rocks of Joshua Tree while wearing a vintage white dress. Dipping my feet in a cold waterfall while eating banana bread baked by someone I didn't expect to see. Silverlake, Highland Park, Pasadena. 

I ate too much gelato, too many tacos. Lounged on porches, by pools, in forests, in parks. 

Finally some lazy time with people it had been too long since I'd seen. 

What really happened was an actual vacation.

And next time it won't take me so long.